


I'm From a City With No Stars

by 1BloggerandSociopathX1



Category: Eyewitness, Philip Shea and Lukas Waldenbeck - Fandom, Philkas - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Some Fluff, Some angst, Third Person POV, a bit - Freeform, and talk about their moms, because i think that philip did sell himself and no one will convince me otherwise, but philip based, but that has nothing to do with the plot of this at all, idk how to say that we can see philip's thoughts, im a writer cant you tell, its cute and they look at stars and kiss, just a side thing, just a thing there you go, lots of grief, lukas basically being The Best Boyfriend Ever, not lukas's, or - Freeform, so its sad, some flashback, they have a picnic, this is just a little something that i thought should happen, very very subtle mentions of child prostitution, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 14:01:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9328037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1BloggerandSociopathX1/pseuds/1BloggerandSociopathX1
Summary: It's been a year since Philip was torn from his life in the city, and was moved to a small town with stars and a boy with piercing blue eyes. After a year of mourning the loss of his life in the city, and now his mother, Philip finally starts to move on, and starts to appreciate the stars.





	

Philip Shea had always lived in the city. Concrete sidewalks and skyscrapers were always where he felt the most at home. He knew the city, he knew how to get uptown where all of the women walked with signature handbags that they held closer to themselves as he passed in his grungy hoodies, and he knew how to get downtown, where he grew up around greasy old men who hollered obscenities when he passed. He knew which streets to avoid and where that one bakery was with the nice woman who used to sneak him a cookie every once in a while. He knew where the cops tended to gather to pick up druggies and dealers, and he knew where to go when trying to kill the time it took for his mom to sober up after a hit.

He did not understand the country. In the country, with Helen and Gabe, cops only hid to stop people from speeding down main street, and they did it in plain sight, parking beside the bank or city hall with their speedometer on. In the country, he didn't know how to really get anywhere at first, but over the first few months he found that there was no where to get to. There was just the town, and then fields, the lake, and houses. There was grass and there were trees and really, Philip couldn't get over just how different it all was.

***

The first night that Philip had stayed with Helen and Gabe, he didn't sleep at all. He cried in that guest room, that at the time he assumed would be temporary because he would be going home, not that he would be moving upstairs permanently. He cried that night because it was his own damn fault for being taken away from his mother.

He had just been so scared. He came home late one night after...working, and found her asleep on the couch. Or at least, he thought she was asleep. She looked like she was asleep, but she was sweating. There was a needle in her arm, which wasn't unusual, but she usually took the needle out before falling asleep. But she hadn't, so Philip panicked. He called 911 and the cops showed up with the ambulance. After they determined that his mother was just passed out, a cop led him away. Or tried to. Philip obviously knew what "having a talk" with a cop meant. He was going to end up in the back of a police car, because he knew how bad this looked. His mother was passed out on the couch, heroine running through her veins, there was no food in the kitchen, the power bill hadn't been paid, and they had been in the darkness for two days...it looked _really_ bad. But Philip couldn't let them take him. His mom needed him, they couldn't do it!

So he ran. Or he tried to run. He got maybe two steps out the front door before another officer grabbed him, pushing him against the brick wall as his hands were cuffed behind his back. He sat in the back of the police car, his entire frame shaking as he wondered if he was going to go to a detention center for teenagers for running. Later, at the police station, a nice, older officer with a gray beard snapped at the others to uncuff him, because apparently it was an unnecessary show of force. He kept his gaze down as the man, Officer Johnson, he would learn later, screamed at the younger officer who had thrown Philip against the wall.

_"This is a fucking kid! What the hell is your problem?! He doesn't even have a weapon on him!"_

Philip tuned out after that, and soon he was led into an office and a lady in a blazer from social services started to ask him questions, like _"how old are you?" "have you ever been put in a vehicle driven by your mother while she was under the influence?" "have you ever not had dinner when you wanted something to eat?" "have you ever been forced into prostitution or other sexual acts for money by your mother, or to pay for food or bills?"_ Philip didn't answer any of these questions, but that seemed to be enough for the woman. He was in a car before he had a chance to ask to use the bathroom. He vaguely remembered the lady saying that she would be back the next day to get him to go see the judge. He didn't remember that first night very clearly. He had stayed with a couple in the city, who had a small flat and a cat that Philip didn't bother petting as he was led into a big bedroom. He never saw the couple again, but he remembered that they had offered him a pop-tart on his way out the door to the courthouse the next morning. He remembered being told at that courthouse that he wouldn't see his mother again until she got clean, which to him meant never.

So, the first night that he stayed with Helen and Gabe, Philip didn't sleep. He looked out the window for a long time. All the way out there, he could see the stars. He couldn't do that in the city, and he really tried not to like it.

***

Lukas was planning something. Philip knew it when he woke up one Saturday morning to find a text on his phone: _You busy tonight?_ Philip had asked if they were going to a party, and Lukas said no, so he knew that something was amiss. He was excited, though, and around sunset when Lukas showed up on his front porch, Philip greeted him with a kiss.

"What are we doing?"

Lukas just smiled, "You'll see, come on."

Before they got down the porch steps, though, Lukas asked, "Wait, do you have a blanket?" And for some reason Philip decided not to question it, and just went back inside to get a quilt.

Philip held onto the blanket with one arm as he held onto Lukas with the other when they sped through the woods behind Helen and Gabe's property. As it started to get darker, Philip had to silently push back some anxious thoughts, because riding Lukas's bike in the dead of night through the woods didn't bring up particularly good memories for him. Eventually, though, Lukas slowed down as they approached an open field.

Philip furrowed his eyebrows as he climbed off the bike, but before he could say anything, Lukas hopped off and took off his helmet, "Hold on, I have to light the candles, oh-" he took the blanket from Philip, going up a small hill and leaning over. Philip couldn't really tell what the other was doing in the darkness, until Lukas lit four candles that were sitting inside of old, vintage lanterns. Philip silently wondered where the hell Lukas found such nice looking fixtures, before focusing on the rest of Lukas's surprise. He set his helmet down beside the bike, climbing the hill as Lukas spread out the blanket on the soft grass. Lukas even had a picnic basket and pillows set out on the blanket.

Philip blinked down at the set up, a smile spreading across his face, "What's all this?"

Lukas stood up from where he was lighting the last candle, crossing to Philip and putting his hands on the other's waist with a shrug, "You know...just being the best boyfriend ever," he grinned, and Philip didn't even think about rolling his eyes.

Philip leaned forward and kissed the blond boy softly, pulling back with a smile, "Really though, this is like, _next level_ boyfriend stuff."

Lukas just smirked, taking Philip's hand and sitting down on the quilt, "Come on, I went to that bakery in town and bought like, everything," he laughed, opening the picnic basket.

Philip sat down next to him, smiling at Lukas for a long moment before reaching over and taking one of the cookies. The chocolate chips melted on his tongue, and he hummed in approval. He nearly chocked when Lukas suddenly pulled out a bottle of champagne and two glasses, "You're joking," he chuckled a bit, looking at Lukas with an unmasked surprise, and fondness.

"Nope. Helen bought it for us."

At that answer, Philip furrowed his eyebrows, asking, "Helen? Helen was in on this?"

Lukas's mood seemed to shift at the question, and Philip just rose an eyebrow. Lukas seemed to falter a bit under the look Philip gave him, and he looked down, playing with a loose string on the quilt, "She, um, apparently a, uh, a year ago today, social services found you. She told me last week, just in case you...I don't know, she was worried."

Philip had actually forgotten. With everything that had happened, the anniversary of being ripped from his mother and the city just...slipped his mind. He dropped his gaze, frowning as he thought about everything. A year ago, he was being shoved into a police car, with his mom sleeping away on the couch, and now she was dead. Because of _him_. Because he didn't protect her or think about her when he got into trouble. Because he failed at his one job in his life; taking care of his mother.

He took a shaky breath, forcing those thoughts away and looking up at Lukas. "So...you set all of this up, on the off chance that I would be upset today?" He waited for a nod from the other, before rushing forward and kissing him deeply. He held onto the front of Lukas's plaid shirt, smiling softly when he felt large hands in his hair. He pulled back after a while, whispering as he rested his forehead against Lukas's, "You..." he trailed off, smiling softly, "Thanks."

Philip had never been good with words, but he wanted to be, for Lukas. The other didn't seem to mind, though, and just smiled softly. Lukas pulled back to pour the champagne, giving a low whistle, "Damn it's...wait, how do you know if it's good or not? Like, how old is it _supposed_ to be?" Philip laughed and shrugged. He never drank wine, how was he supposed to know?

The two spent a while just eating and teasing each other, clinking glasses together whenever they felt like it. After about an hour, when they were full and the champagne was starting to have an effect on them, Philip laid back on one of the little pillows that Lukas brought, asking, "How did you get all of this stuff out here on your bike?"

Lukas laid down next to him, laying on his side, "I took two trips." Philip just gave him a skeptical look, and Lukas laughed, "Okay, okay, more than two." Philip laughed as well, scooting closer. Lukas laid back and let Philip lay his head on his chest, looking up at the stars above. Philip was quiet for a long while, and soon he felt Lukas's fingers card through his hair. He turned to smile up at him, only to find Lukas's eyes already on him.

"This is the best thing anyone's done for me." It was a simple, but true statement. Of course, Helen and Gabe did a lot for him, and he would forever be grateful for everything they did, but this was a bit different. This wasn't out of paternal responsibility, or out of necessity. This wasn't Helen and Gabe buying him boots because his shoes were two sizes too small and had holes in the soles. This was Lukas doing something because he wanted Philip to be comfortable. He wanted Philip to know that he wasn't alone, and he wanted to make sure Philip didn't spend the night alone. No one had ever done anything like that for him.

Lukas didn't seem to know what to say to that, but that was fine. Philip didn't need Lukas to answer. He had done enough. Hell, he had done so much more than _"e_ _nough"_  and that was what was so amazing about this date. His mom had always fed him _"enough"_. She had been around _"enough"_. Helen was home _"enough"_. Most everyone in his life, except for Lukas and Gabe, did everything _"enough"_. It was so nice having something that was more than that.

He looked back up to the stars, and they laid there in silence, the candles creating a soft orange glow around them. After a while, Lukas spoke, "My mom used to tell me stories about the constellations." He pointed up to the sky, "Not the official ones, but silly ones. Like...she said Leo the Lion was actually a giant cat, hold on I'll find it."

And then Lukas was off, going on and on about constellations that Philip had never even heard of. Ones like _Orion_ , _Taurus_ , and even _Lyra_. Eventually, Lukas ran out of stories, though Philip would have listened to him for hours. He loved hearing about the boy's mom. There was a way he would light up when talking about the woman, and Philip wished that he had been able to meet her.

Philip hesitated, thinking for a while as he gazed up at the dots in the sky, "There aren't stars in the city. You can't see them. I never got interested as a kid, but mom cried sometimes." He frowned, swallowing before continuing, "She would...she always wanted me to see the stars. She used to live out in the country, when she was a kid, somewhere near Pennsylvania, where you can see them. She wanted that for me, I think. She always talked about how the buildings in the city were too close together, and how she never felt like she had any elbow room." He chuckled a bit at the memory, remembering how he never related to that feeling of tightness until he came to the country where there was space.

He could feel Lukas's eyes on him, but when the boy didn't say anything, he continued, sighing softly, "But...I remember in elementary school. There was this presentation in the Children's Museum. I only got to go because this old lady who lived next door to us signed my mom's name on my permission slip because mom was out. And my teacher paid for me to go." He smiled at the memory of that teacher, Mrs. Edlin. She was let go the year after because they needed to make some budget cuts. "That was the only field trip I went on as a kid. But it was nice. There was a space room, with all the stars painted on the walls and a video about the planets."

He glanced to Lukas, who had a soft frown on his face. Philip realized then that Lukas really had no idea just how _poor_ Philip had been growing up, poor enough to not have the money to pay the twelve dollar fee for the bus ride to the museum. Philip looked away from that intense gaze, and finished his story with a shrug, "But there weren't any _real_ stars."

There was a long pause, before Lukas said simply, "I'm sorry."

"I mean, they're just stars, I'm not complaining-"

"No, I'm sorry that you had to ask your neighbor to sign your permission slip for a field trip."

Philip blinked in surprise, unsure as to why _that_ was the part of the story that Lukas decided to latch onto. "I mean...mom was out, it was just-"

"I'm still sorry though. That sucks for a kid. For you. You deserved better."

There was a pause, and before Philip could really object, Lukas was speaking up again, "Not that I'm trying to diss your mom. I'm not, you know I liked her. She cared so much about you and loved you lots, but..." Philip furrowed his eyebrows at the pause, "She should have done better. For _you_."

Philip was quiet for a long while after that, thinking over everything that Lukas said. He wasn't saying that his mom wasn't trying to get better at the end. He was saying that she never should have gotten _that_ bad, which was true. When Philip let himself get angry, which he didn't do very much at all, he thought about being a kid in that apartment, walking home from the school bus stop with his hood up and his head down, never sure if his mom would be there when he got home. Always eating a PB &J that he made at home, with jelly and peanut butter that he had to get from the store himself. He had to eat lunch from home, because getting the reduced lunch at school meant filing paperwork, and if his mom put her wage earnings down on a government document, then he would be taken away for sure. He would use recess to do homework because he knew that when he got home, his mom would either need taken care of, or would want to hold him close and mutter ridiculous things like _"I'll just home school you, I missed you so much. Why do you wanna go there every day?"_  He remembered the countless Open House reminders that he left on the kitchen counter, always printed on bright green paper, that would go ignored. He remembered showing up at school the day after, knowing that his mom wasn't in attendance because he was holding her hair back as she puked into the toilet the night before. He remembered awkwardly looking away when the teacher thanked everyone who came. It was easy to get mad, when he thought about that stuff.

But then he would think of the other things. His mom taking extra shifts at the diner around Philip's birthday so she could get him something nice. His mom filing for job after job when she missed one too many shifts at the one before. He remembered giving him one of her old, unused sketchbooks from when she was a teenager. He remembered her sobbing when he said he had to sell it to pay the water bill, because he had such a great talent and she knew how much he loved that book. He remembered her long fingers in his hair, singing him to sleep when he had nightmares. He remembered her standing up to every boyfriend that hit him, until she was thrown against the wall herself. He couldn't be mad for long when he thought about that.

"She tried," Philip whispered, still staring up at the sky.

He heard Lukas sigh, and licked his lips as the other agreed, "She did."

There was a long pause, and Philip just breathed, thinking over everything that made his mother the woman she was, before saying softly into the night, "She would be glad that I can see the stars now, I think."

"I think so too." And with that, Lukas leaned down to kiss the top of Philip's forehead, and Philip could have sworn that he could feel his mother's eyes on them from above, beyond the stars.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh wow, I actually managed to finish a philkas fic! This is just a little something that I had to get down because it has been bouncing around in my head like...forever. Just a little hurt/comfort fic that I thought would be cute, and oh look, I had to throw in angst cause it's me! Sidenote: I live in South Carolina where you see the stars like all the time, and I don't know if the air pollution in New York City makes it so you can't see the stars in the state of New York, but if that is the case and in real life you can't see the stars...well, you know, just pretend that they can cause look, fluff! Anyways, I hope you guys liked it! :)


End file.
